2.07am

I so love late nights.

its the only thing that keeps me sane.

no one will see the the real deal, though im afraid my voice would betray my emotions.

coz you see,

you may think you're getting on great. you may think you can talk about everything. that ur r'ship is solid. and you're feelin pretty smug but then, this gulf opens and you realise that there's this huge rotting problem that you both have expertly ignored to the extent that you no longer really believe that its there. all of a sudden, you're both standing on the brink. you try and approach the matter but you cant- everytime you tiptoe towards discussion, it blows up big.


so call me when im sober.

Sentosa was a welcomed break.

my fears are great but my strength is small. i dont want those stories of jealousies so strong, judgement cannot cure. because anger is one of the worse ways of losing control. it's primitive. it is sucha becoming emotion that makes you, ugly.

ugliness. just another facade. your surface may be smooth. but this surface is a mask.

is anything at all, even real.

and i dont understand why some people are mean. are rude and craves for so much attention that they step on the people that are closest to them. people who care. people who got their back.

and i dont understand why you have to compete. that you just have to be the best. people may know you. but they wont see what i see. what a terrible, terrible heartless person you are. you think you are great. u think rudeness is strength. that snobbery, to be loud and proud shows leadership. and worse of all, you think pushing a friend of out of ur way is a sign of victory. you think, only of yourself. you lie to a friend. no, u lied to them all. so yes, you get that share of attention for a moment. but you and i both know what a sorry sod you are. sarcaism is cool. sarcaism is fine. but not unless u aimed to hurt. to touch that sore spot where u knew, it would hurt the most. jealousy is normal. it is only human. but if you've gotta criticise, critic with your heart. coz not every word u said is deserving to someone who perhaps, had a bad day. and when u think im being mean, that perhaps i ignore your presence, maybe its because i cant stand you anymore. the way you copy my words, my experiences and pass them off as your own. you condemn me and said its a joke. sweetie i know, its more than that.

i smile to you, because i know what you think i dont.